Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
