Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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