His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
