Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
