Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
