is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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