You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
