I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
