It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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