smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize