Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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