I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize