Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
