its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
