The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
