if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
As shirtless as possible
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
