Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
