vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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