Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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