we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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