I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
