I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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