dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
And then he peed in my hair
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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