she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
