Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
BRING THE BAGELS
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize