wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The struggles of a small town man whore
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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