Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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