is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
