My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
