an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
