have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
