and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
