Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
