youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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