Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
