Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
