I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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