It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
