I can tuck mytits in my pants
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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