she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's shark week go big or go home
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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