she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
