I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
