Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I've blown a few things in my day
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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