this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
