Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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