I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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