I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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