I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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