Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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