I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
