You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
