WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize