so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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