i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
