Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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