I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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