I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
