I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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