Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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