im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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