I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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