When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
